Joe Cramer-Being a Father

It's that time of year again when we get congratulated for being dads. I stop by the cemetery to do some looking back on being the lucky son of my own dad. I can't thank him enough. Because I may have been what could be called a bit of a loose cannon growing up, I'm not so sure congratulations are in order for my dad. Maybe a word or two of concern or understanding and a gold medal would be better. I was a good kid, a good son, most of the time. But there were a few times when some of my choices must have tested my father's patience far beyond most human expectations. How I am not sure, but somehow good old dad managed to handle my disruptive behavior and remain patient and caring and ready to move forward. My dad forged an attitude of being able to overcome just about anything in my mind that carries me through all these years since he went to the great eternal fishing sight he always dreamed of. I believe the attitude he expressed so well is exactly what keeps a real fisherman on the water long after the fish stop biting. Along with the attitude he also gave me perfect examples of what forgiveness and unconditional love meant. He had a lot of that forgiving to do with me. My maturity took a few turns here and there so he had a regular workout in that category. Yet, he still insisted I was a gift and on Father's day he felt he should be thanking all those involved in his being a father instead of being thanked. Humble and grateful for who he was. How can a guy go wrong with a dad like that? That's why I dedicated my book "Joe's Story: The Book of a Lifetime" in part to him.

That brings me to who I am as far as being a father. I had to become one before I fully understood my dad's humility. Truthfully, I rather enjoy the calls and cards and maybe a special meal or activity. But, that's where it stops these days. I am lucky to have the kids and grandkids I have. I trust that in some way I was a good example in their lives too. At least they are still talking to me and answer the phone when I call. It's a privilege and an honor to be their father. Being a dad came with a heavy responsibility and due to my own dad's ability and love I was ale to meet that obligation the best way I could and watched them grow and mature into remarkable parents themselves. That is so very cool!

So on Father's Day I offer my congratulations to the dads everywhere that did their best to be there for their kids. You had a job to do and you did it. We get some static sometimes, actually a lot of times: for working too much, being too strict, expecting too much, believing kids should except their own consequences, sometimes having to be the enforcer of those consequences, for even being in a place of authority. Well, in His wisdom, God placed us where we are and made us the way we are. Being a good father means that, no matter how much we are criticized, we must remain true to our goal of being the best dad we can. It's our job and our privilege and our honor. Hey guys, here's to you and me for being there, loving and protecting our kids and leading them into the future knowing we stuck with them through thick and thin. Good Job! Happy Father's Day!

The Titanic and perspective

Once again the movie, "Titanic" is in the news. Now it is being presented in 3D venues so you can experience the pain more easily of drowning I guess maybe. I don't particularly get a good feeling from a movie based on a true story where so many people died a slow death. Good music, choreography, love scenes and songs don't lessen the tragedy do they? But, I feel there is a lesson to be learned here concerning perspective. The Titanic was an example of the newest technology of the period. Engineers, designers, machinists, all sorts of educated people were brought together to build that luxurious ship. From their perspective it was "State of the Art!" From the perspective of all those passengers and crew that suffered in the sinking of that magnificent floating castle it was a piece of dangerous junk wasn't it?

When I write here I am speaking from my perspective and I don't expect everyone to agree. That's what perspective is all about. Perspective creates discussion, discussion increases vision, increased vision reduces misunderstanding, reducing misunderstanding helps us all negotiate the intricacies of our differences. That's the way it's supposed to work anyway. That's the lesson of the Titanic I think. I'm not at ease with viewing such a real tragedy. I find it akin to the monsters that beheaded a helpless prisoner and put the beheading on the Internet for everyone to see. Thoroughly disgusting, inhumane and heart wrenching! The people who, in their perspective agreed with the terrorists applauded their cowardice. Those people who in their perspective disagreed were sickened and enraged. Both sides feel they were right. In the case of the Titanic maybe viewing the movie will bring a more clear perspective to safety in all types of transportation. Maybe viewing the terrorist beheading will bring a more clear perspective to the insanity of hate. It's all in your perspective I guess.

Adoption, domestic or foreign?

As an adoptive parent for over 35 years my ears are keenly attuned to the word, "adopt." My eyes are drawn to it when I read like radar locking on a UFO. Adoption as it is today, is a unique situation and filled with wonders as well as challenges. As short a time ago as the mid 1930's kids were shipped off on orphan trains to just about anywhere, to people that never received any sort of background check by well meaning institutions in the name of charity. We've come a long way from that. Tens of thousands of kids have been placed in homes and adopted by incredibly caring parents and become as one family. I applaud those families. I do wonder about a trend that has developed over the past decade or two though: Prospective adoptive parents in the United States don't seem to like American kids!

There isn't a week that goes by that I don't hear about this family adopting a child from one country or another, but not from the good old U.S of A.. A child is a child, no matter the place of birth, in my opinion. All children deserve an opportunity to experience family love. I'm getting the feeling though that many people have given up hope on our homegrown kids for some reason. Actually to the point of where some people are wearing the foreign adoption thing like some sort of elite badge of honor. Not all of them of course, but enough that I would notice it as a trend. I spoke with one guy and he stated, several times that he has adopted a couple "Chinese kids." Another couple mentioned, with emphasis that they had adopted, "Russian kids." And another couple adopted an "African child." I don't ever recall telling anyone I adopted anything other than a "child." I find it rather confusing. Obviously, there is something about this foreign adoption situation that I don't understand and I am not doing any judging of motives here, but as an adoptive parent myself I feel I do have the right to wonder about the reasons or need behind it. Are foreign kids smarter? Are foreign kids healthier? Are foreign kids supposed to be something different that I am missing? On the other hand: Are American kids not worthy of adoption for some reason? Are we, as Americans not responsible for our own orphans? Why not? Is it easier for some reason to explain a difference in the appearance of an adopted child if we say they came from a particular country of origin. More "pure" a strain perhaps? Does that make us better because we adopted from another country. Are we making up in some way for things we feel our own country has done wrong by ignoring those kids already here in need by bringing in replacement kids because ours are defective simply by being born here?

Like I said, no judgement here. Simply some questions that I do not understand the answers to. When I ask those who have or will be adopting foreign kids they seem to get a little defensive and huffy because, "If I understood I wouldn't have to ask questions about it." Like one parent said, "Adopting a domestic child is very selfish when there are so many others around the world who need parents more." I am all the more confused by that statement. My confusion will not change anything. Nor will it change the fact that even kids born here are important enough to receive love and consideration. Yeah, they really are.

Busy as a bee and a bit sad too

It's been a busy month for many of us, myself included. Graduations, birthdays, a baptism, two wedding anniversaries and a wedding to boot. At the beginning of the month I began collaboration with a young artist to illustrate a Christmas story I hope to have in print by November. Young artists are exciting to work with, they have so few obstacles. On the other hand, they really, really have a tough time staying focused on the task at hand. It'll get done but I must remain flexible as to the thought of a strict deadline. That simply ain't going to happen.

Two other events that took place were the passing of two friends. One was a man whom I believe was the epitome of a true gentleman. Worked hard, maintained an admirable moral code in business and personal life and still enjoyed life to the fullest. Sailing, campfires with his wife and friends, and traveling filled his time and brought many story worthy adventures. I will miss his spontaneous smile and wholesome hilarity. The other was a woman I've met with occasionally but known mostly through her family. She didn't have an easy life that woman. Without getting into details she raised six kids the best she could while protecting herself and them from extremely difficult life situations. Sometimes homeless, sleeping in parks and working long hours for sometimes less than minimum wage. She had the term, "getting by" down to a science. Making a mother bear seem rather tame really. At the end of her life, ridden with cancer and infection, weak, and wracked with pain her son and daughter in law worked tirelessly day and night to bring her what soothing comfort they could. Sacrificing their own, less than comfortable lives to do what they could. This lady passed away quietly surrounded by her family as peacefully as possible. It's finally time for her to get some rest, never to worry again. Leaving a legacy of love and strength for her children to carry them through in good times as well as bad.

As I've mentioned before here, I have, what I call my book of heroes. These two people have their names placed in my book so I don't forget just how good ordinary people really are so very strong, inspirational and special sometimes. I'll try to write more often. .................Joe..

Live laugh and love........You'll be glad you did.

What people say

Last night I watched John F. Kennedy look out across his audience and say: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country!" Wow! When I saw it live, that statement had a profound impact on the rest of my life. In all these years since then I have done as much as humanly possible to not be a burden on society. He also reinforced our responsibility as a nation to not neglect the poor and downtrodden who need a hand up. I've done my best to honor that too. It's amazing how one man's words can influence us isn't it?

Throughout the history of the United States there has been controversy and disagreement. From a country made up of all the other nationalities and opposing cultures of the world I suppose it is to be expected isn't it? So why do we act so indignant when the politicians we voted in have differing opinions of just about everything? Isn't that what our government is set up to do? I don't particularly like it myself but at the same time I remind myself what all the bickering has brought. We've got a balance of power with separate governing bodies, the House, the Senate, the Judicial and then we have a President too. Of course there's going to be differing ideas and how to implement them, even among members of the same political party.

In light of all the words spoken these days I am still looking for someone to say something as profound as John F. Kennedy did back then. I remember the words of another man very well too and I think a lot of folks would do well to think about them. "Love your neighbor as yourself and Do onto others as you would have done onto you." I'll be watching and listening...........

Christmas is Here!

Christmas is here, Christmas is here
filled with fun, family, food
and sometimes, way too much beer

Everywhere we go we hear the sound of bells
see gifts colorfully wrapped in boxes with tape
and turn our faces towards the sweet sugary smells

Skis and sleds in the car awaiting the snows
jackets and gloves and scarves and goulashes
at the ready to stave off cold when as the wind blows

Colorful bright lights appear everywhere
their twinkling piercing through the darkness
with our heads straining to see our share

While under an overpass or in a storefront corner
can be found many a cold, lonely soul
huddling, shivering, living in total disorder

A soldier rides on a road in a foreign land
keeping watch for safety's sake
clutching a picture of loved ones in their hand

A man walks the icy streets going from store to store
looking for work no matter the type
hoping to earn money to keep his family home one week more

A baby was born who would save us all
not just a few, remember we should
for each and everyone it is best to recall

On Christmas day we are reminded to know
the reason for it all is this:
we reap what we sow

Christmas it's said is the greatest holiday
when we face our maker and He asks what we did
about the plight of our neighbor, what will we say

It's time to be happy and giddy and sing
we can look about us and see what He meant
of the gifts of joy, love and peace we can bring

Then, we can say: Christmas is here!

May September marriage

He's 70, she's 55. He's retired, she's in the middle of her career climb. He's a little flabby, she's tight as a drum. She wants him to shape up a bit so they go to a spa/gym and work out four times a week. He drives a deluxe minivan, she drives an Audi A8. He wants to live on a hobby horse farm somewhere in the rural countryside. She wants to buy a condo in an exclusive downtown high rise with all the amenities near theatres and museums and the arts. He likes barn dances, she likes ballroom dancing. They were married a few days ago and are now on a two month honeymoon. One month in Europe, one month in the Australian outback. They are finding a way to put their lives together in the best possible way by sharing each others likes and dislikes to find a happy medium. They feel they were made for each other.

The kicker is this. It's actually her that is 70, he is that 55. He likes the city, she is a country girl. They met at her daughter's wedding and have been almost inseparable over the past year and a half so they decided to tie the knot for ever and ever. An enjoyable couple to know. So upbeat and adventurous. The reception was held in a barn with two bands, one a little bit country and the other dealt out a steady stream of chamber music. I guess we can all learn something from them. Time will tell just what it is. Just thought I'd share their situation with you. We all live in our own situations with little hurdles to overcome. Sometimes it breaks the mold to hear about others doesn't it? Kind of like a minny mental vacation from ourselves...........Joe

(I wonder if they plan on starting a family?)

The last about the mean old grumpy guy

Busy, busy, busy. That's what this time of year is. If it's not a birthday, it's a graduation or a wedding or a new baby. A downright exciting time in history but it's been keeping me away from the blog a lot.

The old. mean guy told me the rest of his story while we were standing there and I thought I'd pass it along. All those years ago, when all the neighborhood kids thought he'd kill us if he caught us, things were not exactly as they seemed. He worked a lot and the family kept to themselves alright, but when I'd get an opportunity to talk with them they were mostly like everyone else to me. But, I was always just a touch nervous about those rumors. You know what I mean. If you hear something enough you start to wonder if there is some truth to it all. That wasn't the case though. This is what he told me the other day when I asked him if he was really that mean.

He and his kids spent so much time in the yard and house all the time because they were caring for his wife. She had terminal cancer, or rather a deadly type of leukemia. the doctors had given her all the treatment available at the time and pretty much sent her home to die. The mean old guy and his kids decided they'd do what they could to help her with whatever time she had left. For his part, the mean old guy worked an extra job to pay for some alternative treatments they learned about to make her more comfortable. They were very expensive and they had no insurance. The kids came home right after school and did the housework and cooking as well as helped her with her flowers and little lady like things she enjoyed. They did it because they loved their mom, not because they were slaves. The mean old guy planted a huge garden because he'd heard that natural foods were more healthy and had some curative qualities too. All this watching after his wife went on for a long time. The doctors had given her 6 months to live and she made it almost 25 years. Even after the kids grew up and moved away the mean old guy kept caring for her. She eventually passed away quickly and comfortably from some form of pneumonia. He said all in all they had a good life and he was still happy because of it.

Sometimes mean, old, grumpy guys have another side to them I guess. People aren't always what they appear to be at our first impression. Do you know anyone like that? I wish you a fine day................Joe

Sharing hope Two

What does Hope mean to you?
A word often used to describe hope is, "Trust." That's pretty close to my intended meaning at this time. In the midst of life's turmoil it's important to have trust don't you think? For most of us it comes naturally, we were raised in an atmosphere of trust and learned from it. For those of us who lived in constant fear, trust made you vulnerable, trust was a weakness. There is an old phrase that goes something like: "It's your friends and family that can really hurt you because they are the ones you trust."

Hope in this case comes from a faith in that which is greater than us. Hope brings confidence. By overcoming our weakness and fear through hope we gain the strength to persist in something, "against all odds!" It is powerful indeed.

Hope!

If you possess hope, it needs little explanation. Kind of like being the only one having a flashlight in a darkened room full of people. Unlike a flashlight, you can share your hope. Not by force but by attraction. Now is as good a time as any to think about that and get about the business of sharing hope. Help me do that would you please? We don't want that light to go out..................Joe