Fun with spyware

It's all becoming quite clear to me now. Duh! All those directed solicitations for diplomas and other such things in my email box are the direct result of something I sort of ignored up until now, Spyware! Spyware was a sort of mystery to me or rather I simply didn't pay attention to the concept because I was way too smart for it to affect me. Like my friend Sarah says so eloquently,"Yeah, you betcha!"

It took me a long time to catch on to the spyware tactics, how they work and exactly what they generated but I'm on to them now all right. Listen to this a second. I'm sure you naturally assume I'm talking about Internet spyware right? No, not necessarily. You know those specific store rewards cards you faithfully carry on your key chain? Spyware! Gas cards too. Spyware! Those credit cards you use every day, you remember that they sent you a pamphlet way too long to read thoroughly explaining their security when divulging any information about your transactions? Spyware! Virtually all your financials are infiltrated by some sort of spyware. Medical records, driving records and electrical usage is recorded and documented and spyware has a way of getting that information. You think I'm being a little paranoid don't ya? Think about this? If you aren't on the "do not call list" how do the solicitors know you might be in the market for a specific product. It's no accident senior citizens get a mailbox full of insurance offers neither. You buy a pair of shoes with a credit or debit card and what do you find folded neatly in your next Sunday paper delivery? Shoe sales!

I've figured out that spyware is just like this really huge type butterfly net, constantly moving back and forth across the information highway, capturing our bits of information and putting them into that big ole' advertising jar. You know whats really fun now that I know how it works? I often find these store rewards cards laying in the parking lot somewhere. If I use them I still get the discounted price and the original user gets all the email, snail mail and telemarketers too. I'm sure they wonder why, being only in their mid 20's and having two kids under age 5, why they get stuff about Medicare, rolling over an IRA, walkers, retirement villages, bus trips to the casino and Viagra. I think that's kind of fun don't you?

A really good joke

Have you ever had one of those moments when you simply could not control your laughter? One that wasn't triggered by one too many beers or a comedy club or TV comedian? Occasionally thats happened to me. Actually, way more than occasionally. When a human mistake cascades into a situation beyond control or someone tells you a joke that just tickles your funny bone in such a way that the laughter comes out of you like a volcanic eruption. Those things are so funny to me that I can't verbally repeat them without going into fits of laughter again. You can't look for those moments, they just happen.

It's been over a month now since I've run across anything as humerous as all that. The last time was a simple joke, add to that the non-expressive face of the joke teller and Wham! I was drawn in, blind sided by the seeming innocence and smacked up on the side of my head by a joke so hillarious I almost laughed myself silly. I love stuff like that. It takes me away from reality just long enough to catch my breath and get back to the tasks at hand. I've heard that laughter also acts as a short workout for the heart. I'm looking forward to the next time it happens. But, in the meantime I've been going over some old joke books from my high school days trying to glean a few bits of humor. My, how tastes have changed. I told a couple of the jokes to the younger guys I work with. Guess what? They didn't find them funny even though I could hardly tell them I was laughing so hard. The jokes appear to be outdated.

I've checked out the joke of the day sites but no surprises there. Oh wait! Did you tee hee, hear about, haa haa, the guy who, hee, hee, haa, haa, snicker, snicker, hoo, hoo, haa, haa, Oh never mind I'll have to tell you later. I'm laughing too hard right now.................

Funny bone tickling joke

Occasionally, most of us run across a joke that keeps us laughing for a long time. You know, it just sort of tickles your funny bone. Kind of like when you hear a tune and whistle it the rest of the day. We all have varying senses of what we find humerous, that's why there are so many differents types and genre's of jokes. But, a friend happened by this morning in search of a cup of coffee for which he could exchange a joke. I poured the coffee, he told the joke. It was a good deal all the way around. Luckily I didn't spill the coffee.

An old man was laying on his death bed, his faithful wife at the bedside to bring him what comfort she could. He woke up from his coma like sleep for a few minutes and beckoned her to put her ear close so he could speak. She placed her ear by his mouth and he began to talk quietly: "You've been with me all these years all throuh the bad times. You were there when I got fired from my first job, when I opened a small store and got shot, when the business went under, when we lost the house, and now you are here while my health deteriorates." She nodded her head in agreement. Then he looked deep into her eyes and said, "I think you're bad luck!"

You never know just what will make you laugh next do you?.......................Joe

Wanted: A good springtime joke.

I am searching for a spring time joke to banish the winter blahs. I do not possess the wit required to make up, fabricate, adjust or remember jokes well enough to put humor into the springtime context. It takes me hours to write a simple letter, let alone come up with something to laugh at. I have to depend on those that jot down humorous stories about darn near everything. I met an old friend last Friday evening. We talked for a good half hour. Or rather, he talked for almost a half hour. I spent most of the time laughing. All I had to do was ask him how he was. He took it from there and joked about age, hair, wrinkles, forgetfulness, food, noises, other friends, the passing of time, driving, marriage, and clothes. Nothing was safe from his sense of humor. All I could do was listen. I couldn't think of anything funny to respond with. He even joked about that.

Over the weekend I went on my annual springtime search for pussy-willows. It was a huge success. Huge, fat, fluffy and proliforous pussy-willows. Probably doesn't mean much to a lot of people but to me it does. To me they represent the passage from one time of year to the next. The promise of what will come. Jokes have that same quality most of the time I think. So I ask you to send me a good springtime joke if you know one or can make one up. Just a couple of simple requirements. Clean enough so everyone can read them. Non- offensive in matters of a delicate nature. If you know a joke like that I'd love to hear it. I appreciate your help...........Joe