Computer bookkeeping and me

I believe I am a reasonably intelligent guy. I read at a college level, speak and write at a seventh grade level, understand immature jokes and cook like a master chef. There is one problem in my educational balance though: Computer intelligence is something I find difficult if not impossible to understand. For whatever reason, when I am dealing with a form of intelligence that cannot talk back to me my mind stops even wanting to sit there and being embarrassed time after time by little pop-up bubbles exposing my inadequacies. Made fun of by an "artificial" form of intelligence is not my cup of tea. When speaking with real live experts and masters and other smarty pants people, if they say something demeaning, I can say back something equally smart like, "Yeah, and you too!" If I type that into the egotistical computer it sends me a pop-up balloon with a pre-assembled message that reads, "Improper input!" I ask you, how do I respond to that? I typed what I was thinking, "Just what kind of input do you need?" Another bubble, " Improper input, re-enter password to establish connection." I re-entered my password. "Incorrect password, re-enter password to establish connection." I re-re-entered my password. "Incorrect password, only one more chance to re-enter correct password or lose opportunity for 24 hours." Sweat began pouring down my forehead, I need to establish a connection with this new bookkeeping program, my customer is waiting and watching me print up his invoice so he can pay me. I detect a smirk beginning to form on the corner of his lip. The pressure is immense, This computer is lording it over me and humiliating me big time. What to do? What to do? That's where my "non-artificial" intelligence came into play. I pulled the plug on that freakin', bubble producing, narrow minded, unaccommodating, full of crap computer and hand wrote the invoice, collected my money and sent my customer on his way. After the customer was gone, I plugged that computer back in, let it boot up, turned on the offending program and entered my password as, "Yeah, and you too!" The computer popped up a bubble stating "Final opportunity to enter correct password dis" That's when I pulled the plug again! "Dirtybridgeragafratchflaggaloomer!" Put that in your stupid hard drive! Today I bought a tutorial CD. I know my limitations but the computer doesn't know how to deal with them. That makes me smarter. I find comfort in that.

Fixing this blankety blank blog

I am going to attempt to update this blog site. To most of you that operation wouldn't be any big deal. For me, it's a major undertaking fraught with danger. What if I punch the wrong button? What if I send everything into the cloud and it never comes back? What if I do a total disconnect? There is no one here to stop me from incorrect actions. The terrible things that can happen are endless. I have no choice really though, the comment section is messed up, the counter section is messed up and interaction, which has always been so enjoyable and informative is messed up big time too. So, I am giving you ample notice that if this blog explodes I will eventually figure out another avenue of communication. Ah, the good old days when change took decades instead of weeks or days. So, here it goes. Bye for now. Wish me luck....................Later.....Joe

Blasted, confusing computers but here I am anyway

Will my trials and tribulations concerning my computers never end? Yeah, I know, most of my problems stem from my ignorance of these modern day electronic brain wonders. But, I really do try to learn enough to at least operate them with a modicum of comfort and ease. Most of the time I accomplish that. Not for the past few weeks though. I've been locked out of the realm of Internet communication by some sort of evil creature possessing my keyboards. Not just one of them but strangely enough, both of my laptops. One is driven by Windows Office and the other by Windows Vista, in different locations and separate manufacturers too. Goofy! The mouse worked but I could not type a single letter with either keyboard. Nothing at all! I followed a number of suggestions and cleaned the hard drives, ran a virus check, compressed files, got rid of petty, useless programs and browsing history. Punched the keys and zero, zip, Nada! Being a guy of relative Independence I'm not particularly fond of asking for directions. Nor am I given to requesting favors of any kind. Add to that the cost of computer experts and there I sat with a lifeless pair of electronic cacophony. The weeks went by and my patience grew thin. Frustration was setting in and pictures of computers flying across rooms and smashing into brick walls filled my dreams. My humorous outlook wasn't outlooking so much humor any more. Late last night I decided to seek professional help, both for my laptops and for my own sanity. I disconnected everything from each computer right down to removing the back up batteries, packed them carefully in boxes and resigned myself to failure to the point of actually bringing them to a repair shop. I woke up early this morning and thought that I should back up all my files before entrusting those computers to anyone else. I connected this one up, booted it up and lo and behold, the keyboard was working. I was surprised and fiddled with it for a while just to make sure it wasn't a fluke. As you can see it is still working. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth but to test my luck just a little bit more I delicately hook everything up to my back up computer with the notoriously unpredictable Vista program and for crying out loud, that blasted thing works too. I don't recall any particularly different approach to my set up but whatever it was, it worked! Setting on my desk is a horseshoe puzzle. Two horseshoes connected by welded chains with a solid ring between them. The idea is to remove the ring by twisting the chained parts. I have removed the ring and put it back on a half dozen times. However, I have no idea how I did it. I have succeeded in fixing my computers, but in keeping with my puzzle prowess philosophy, I have no idea how I did it. Have a good day. Don't try to figure out how you do it. Just enjoy it...........................Joe

LOL

Sometimes my ignorance comes right up and slaps me in the face. This time it concerned email stuff. I attempt to write as I think, in other words I seldom use abbreviations or symbols. In my opinion it muddles the true intent of the communication. At least when I read someone else's email to me and it's chock full of single letter, abbreviated words or initials it brings me pause until I decipher it. Occasionally I miss it completely.

Ever since I entered the world of electronic messaging I have been confident in the meaning of three simple letters, LOL. It seemed that everyone used them and not wanting to appear as if I came from the dark ages I used them frequently. Sprinkling them here and there like a fine seasoning. Once in a while I'd get a reply to an email asking me to explain exactly what I meant. Then I would skip the initials and use complete words and everything would turn out just fine. But until yesterday no one explained to me just how ridiculous some of my emails must have looked.

Today I am a new man. Today I know that LOL does not mean "Lots of Love." Some of the things I wrote must have been LOL to a lot of people over the years but to those to whom I was writing about serious matters I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Today is a huge "DUH!" day for me. LOL to many of you.............................Joe