Book publishing, expect the unexpected

Joe's Story:The Book of a Lifetime has been in publication for almost 3 years now. It has been sold, shipped and read in every state and several other countries around the world. It's been quite a learning experience for me. I had no idea what to expect when, after 13 years of writing I held the first copy in my hands. Of course there were visions of huge royalty checks but that was only a dream for the most part. The primary purpose of writing Joe's Story in the first place was a hope of saving other people from the devastation that was brought upon my family and I as a result of carbon monoxide poisoning and the amnesia that followed. Being a published author opened up several venues for me and I had the opportunity to speak of carbon monoxide and it's ever present dangers in front of thousands of people. What an honor that has been. I learned another thing on Monday this week. Once a book is published and in print, expect the unexpected.

Monday morning, as I performed my usual ritual of formulating a plan of action for the week and determining my priorities the front door of my office opened and a pleasant looking couple came in. After a few words of greeting from me the man introduced himself and his wife, explained they were in Michigan from their home state of Tennessee and asked for a few minutes of my time. The story went like this: They had happened across the book, "Joe's Story" while they had been visiting in Florida on vacation. Their neighbor at the campground was an avid reader as is his wife and they struck up a conversation about exciting new books. "Joe's Story" was mentioned and when they got back home they ordered a copy from Amazon.com. After reading it and recognizing some health problems they were experiencing they decided to get a blood test for CO poisoning. The test showed elevated levels of CO, they had their furnace and hot water heater checked and found the water heater defective, the doctor said it may have saved their lives. They had come to say thanks and have me sign their copy of "Joe's Story." I was humbled and thankful to hear that they were going to be alright.

So, that's what I mean by, expect the unexpected. Once a book is in print it's always there.........Joe

Fremont Nebraska and illegal immigration

Fremont Nebraska has a new law regarding illegal immigrants. Big news! Arizona has a new law regarding illegal immigrants. It's getting to be a little less of a big story. Everyone is getting used to hearing it aren't they? Most of the news stories center on the hardships those laws are causing to immigrants in general. But, the root cause of these laws is being dismissed as inconsequential and trivial. I wonder why that is? Laws are designed to protect us from eminent danger of something aren't they? Robbery, reckless driving, injury or murder, property rights, stuff like that. I think we all agree that we need to be protected from danger by our laws. It sounds like the protesters against these stiff illegal immigration laws don't see any danger in illegal immigration. I guess their question is: Does illegal immigration actually pose a danger to our safety and way of life? Let's see.

In the black and white words of the law: Anyone, if not regulated good or bad can sneak across the border. Anyone, if not regulated can sneak across the border with illegal drugs. Anyone sneaking across the border into this country unregulated is breaking the law. Therefore they are a criminal. The federal law is very explicit in that. There are just so many people our country and it's already strained welfare and health system can support. If someone uses any of our social benefits illegally they are taking them away from our legal citizens. In other words, our citizens are having their way of life altered and deteriorated by 11 million illegal immigrants. Our benefits are being stolen from us illegally. Our lives and safety are being jeopardized by drugs and gangs and criminals who are here illegally.

Are all illegal immigrants bad people, criminals, robbers, murderers, or drug dealers? No, some of them are very likable! However, they are all illegal. If they got here by breaking a huge federal law with no consequences what is there to encourage them to honor any other law, big or small? We are a nation of laws. Take them away and we cease being a nation at all. I wonder if Will Smith will star in a movie that shows us how to solve the problem?........Joe

World Cup and the Vuvuzela

The vuvuzela is an instrument of God. That agonizingly noisy horn that is constantly being blown at the World Cup soccer matches is a reminder of the sacrifices, trials and tribulations of the African people over the centuries. According to Tinyko Maluleke speaking at an international ecumenical meeting. I'm glad I found out about that. The constant bleating has certainly lowered my enjoyment of the games as well as my ability to understand what is being said by the moderators. To the point of interfering with the game itself. Actually the disturbing noise has caused me to totally withdraw from watching the soccer matches whatsoever. I mean no disrespect to the horn blowers and the statement they need to make to the rest of the world. If that's what they need to do then I respect their right to do that in their country. However, I as a visitor in hopes of true enjoyment of competition between the best of the best choose to not submit myself to the never ending barrage of annoyance and take advantage of my channel changing expertise and move on to some other type of entertainment. Baseball, Nascar, Dragracing, and the food channel come to mind.

Bearing in mind that I completely respect a person's right to demonstrate against oppression, I fail to see the oppressive nature of being allowed to host an international event of such far reaching proportions. That's not my idea of a welcoming attitude. If I invite someone to my house I bend over backwards to show them that I appreciate their company. If they would be spending money for which I would receive a benefit I would darn well put my best foot forward in order to reap the harvest and expect them to return again wouldn't you? I particularly would avoid annoying my visitors every moment of the day and night.

I am not a world traveler. I will not, in this life be visiting South Africa in person. It matters not to me when, how, or where they blow their own horns. It's no skin off my nose. But, thanks to the miracle of television I am put in the position of learning more about that country. Thanks to the vuvuzela I will not be learning as much as I'd hoped to and I'll be turning my TV back to the good old reliable golf channel. Thank you very much. I guess this will be one more world cup I'll be reading about instead of watching............................Joe

The Pink Pill for women

The airwaves are filled with news about the long anticipated "Pink Pill" for use by the ladies. The purpose is to bring certain situations to a much more amorous conclusion than could otherwise be expected. It doesn't work! What do we do now? Millions of dollars were spent on hopes of restoring a drive that nature thought necessary to lower if not totally eliminate. Evidently there is a reason the scientists hadn't anticipated. It's not all about the ability like it is in men. The difficulty runs much deeper. It's got to do with: Feelings! Apparently the pink pill doesn't deal with that. Back to the old drawing board. Meanwhile we're stuck with the old tried and true methods that come to us down through the ages in song and tale.

A while back our favorite health and fitness guru, Jack La lane was on TV hawking his latest juicer and flexing his muscles to show how well the juice diet works. He actually looks great for someone half his age. The reporter was asking him lots of health related questions while Jack's wife stood by smiling. She is up there in years and looks very good too. A couple most of us would like to emulate I am sure. (Except it takes so much work to look that good and most of us aren't that energetic or motivated.) A comment was made that being two healthy people of advanced age do they still get intimate? Jack displayed that huge toothy smile, squared off his muscular body and said, "Look at my wife, do you see her complaining?" The reporter then turned to her and asked the same question, her answer was, "Sure we do, once every week Jack gives me a couple glasses of wine, that sets the mood and we just do what comes natural. We are very happy!"

There is a popular singer that touts the benefits of tequila in song. It's on juke boxes and Karaoke machines around the world. One of the lines in the song goes something like: "Tequila makes your clothes fall off." And, when it comes to bringing a woman to a rather more, shall we say, accepting mood, an old saying from ages ago says that: "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker!"

Agree or disagree it kind of makes you wonder if that little pink pill should be augmented with a creamy filling of 151 rum. I wonder if the scientists working on this pill include women of the age they are targeting. Maybe they need more. Maybe they need to talk to good old Jack and his wife about it. Then again maybe most women like life just the way it is and would just as soon be doing something else. I'm sure more research will follow, Those scientists are pretty persistent when they work on messing with nature aren't they? I hope you enjoy the day. It's the time of year to be outside anyway.............................Joe

Funny bone tickling joke

Occasionally, most of us run across a joke that keeps us laughing for a long time. You know, it just sort of tickles your funny bone. Kind of like when you hear a tune and whistle it the rest of the day. We all have varying senses of what we find humerous, that's why there are so many differents types and genre's of jokes. But, a friend happened by this morning in search of a cup of coffee for which he could exchange a joke. I poured the coffee, he told the joke. It was a good deal all the way around. Luckily I didn't spill the coffee.

An old man was laying on his death bed, his faithful wife at the bedside to bring him what comfort she could. He woke up from his coma like sleep for a few minutes and beckoned her to put her ear close so he could speak. She placed her ear by his mouth and he began to talk quietly: "You've been with me all these years all throuh the bad times. You were there when I got fired from my first job, when I opened a small store and got shot, when the business went under, when we lost the house, and now you are here while my health deteriorates." She nodded her head in agreement. Then he looked deep into her eyes and said, "I think you're bad luck!"

You never know just what will make you laugh next do you?.......................Joe

Cats, dogs, rain, roofs and bicycles

Speaking of animals, it's raining cats and dogs around here. I ran across an explanation for that phrase quite some time ago. Not having the time to verify it I'll accept it as a believable theory for now. It seems that a few centuries back when people built homes out of whatever they could find, the roofs were made from straw or long grass or even clods of sod on a wooden frame. When bad weather came around many of the animals were brought into the home for protection. But, for some reason the cats and dogs were kept in small coveys in the roof. When the rain came down in torrents it washed away part of the roofing and down would come the cats and dogs. Sounds believable to me I guess. I just wonder why the dogs and cats were banished to the roof while pigs and cattle, sheep and mules came inside?

I suppose we all have our unexplainable little quirks don't we? One of my favorite things to do is to walk in the rain. The more rain the better. Riding a bicycle is great too. However, one day I was riding a bicycle on the sidewalk after about 3 inches of rain came down within an hour. I was on the sidewalk because I felt the car drivers had enough to watch out for what with all the puddles and fallen tree branches without dodging a bicycle too. As I looked up from the sidewalk I noticed a truck driver coming in the opposite direction on the road. His eyes were huge and his mouth was open as if to yell something. In another second I found out what it was that caused his discomfort. Bwoosch! Although he tried to avoid it, his tires hit a deep mud puddle in the road as he went by and the wave he created came over me like a Tsunami, splashing me and knocking me over sideways onto the soaked and muddy grass on the side of the road. No injuries but cause for a good laugh I guess. I must have looked like some sort of primeval earth creature. I didn't find any cats or dogs though.

So, there we have it. Cats, dogs, mud puddles and not too aware bicycle riders. One of the greatest gifts of civilization is written history so we may learn from it. That way we don't have to chase our tails looking to break the boredom. And then again, you could just say that I'm all wet!..............Joe

Dogs, mutts and names

When it comes to man's best friend what used to be a mutt is now some kind of "special, limited edition, designer" breed. I'd much prefer a good old mutt but I guess being a mutt is much too ordinary. Nobody wants to own an ordinary dog anymore. There are no longer any "accidents" that mess up long established blood lines, only "Oh my gosh" moments when a new, never before heard about breed is established. "Shephounds, Bullnauzers, Kerry Blue Danes, Pooschus, Malaweiners, Beagoundlands, JackRusselhuahas, etc, etc. are so commonplace nothing is a surprise anymore. Of course all these new breeds come with a hefty price tag too whereas a mutt was either free or very cheap. Another reason to lean towards a mutt.

Real dogs have enough strange names: Barbet, Klee Kat, Elo, Dandi Dinmont, Hawaiian Poi, Aidi, Bully Kutta, Kishu, Hovawart, Anglo-Francais de petite Venerte, Porcelaine, McNab, Beauceron, Akbash, Blackmouth Cur, Cesky Fouser, Tatra and Chippiparai are examples. I personally think there are enough strange Monika's placed on dogs without dreaming up all these other crazy handles.

A dog is a dog no matter what you call it. I've had breeds with magnificent blood lines and mutts with such messed up blood lines you weren't quite sure if they were a dog or some long believed extinct prehistoric marsupial. For that reason I'll not soon be acquiring a multi named, super snobby, heretofore unheard of animal. Just thought I'd mention that in case you were the slightest bit interested. .........................Joe