Saturday, February 23, 2013

Internet advertising gaffs

Holy Cow! Do I ever find the advertising choices on my computer monitor amusing lately. As we all know, someone is watching us every minute, day and night. Internet stuff is not secret. If I type a word, it automatically triggers some data base somewhere and advertising is diverted toward the side bar or a pop-up or a ribbon telling me I need this or that. I can see the book publishing and writing stuff. I mean, that's what I'm all about most of the time. But come on now! What have I typed that indicated I am a candidate for "Wildly effective, easily applied, testosterone cream."? Boy, does that stuff sound scary. It has to be applied in non-accessible areas like your armpits (Eeeauw!). You know why? Because if it rubs off on the woman you are kissing she might turn into a man. No, I really don't need that to happen. Then there are the dating sites smearing promises of happiness and other relationship goodies and benefits. You know what? I have never, ever received real happiness through my fingertips on this keyboard or any other part of a computer. I really don't want to date anyone from the computer world. And, Truthfully I don't think God wants me to like one particular site keeps telling me. I don't know how the filters found out I was mostly bald. That is a surprise to me. I don't Skype or have any other camera here. being bald is not on the top of my topics of conversation and I haven't pursued anything whatsoever regarding a solution to it. It's just me and I kinda like me. Bring on the absolutely gorgeous, beautifully quaffed, buxom(Of course), traffic stopping spokesperson for hair replacement products. This tantalising, almost irresistible example of feminine pulchritude looks directly into the eye of the camera and says, "I can't resist running my fingers through a "Real Man's" hair." I suppose there are some self conscious men that might succumb to such tacky tactics but not me. Besides, when I did have a full head of hair no woman, tantalizing or not, ever tried to run their fingers through it. More likely they were reaching for my wallet to see if I was worth dating. So much for tantalizing, buxom or not. Then we get to the sales pitches for more personal stuff. Underpants for grownups. Read that, thick and absorbent. Like I'd send a message to someone anywhere, that I can't see if they are smiling or not, telling them I needed special underpants. Same thing for the aerosol can of "Flatulence neutralizer". Now that's a real gas don't you think?

Being of the human condition, none of us are perfect. At least that is my opinion. I have actually met those special few that see themselves as perfect but even they lack one thing. Don't tell them I told you so but it is humility. They probably wouldn't understand anyway so I leave them alone. All the products I've mentioned are important to some of us at one time or another. When we actually need them it's no laughing matter. it's just a reminder that what we send out on these computers is not a secret. I'm wondering now what products will come my way from this posting. Let's see now: Wigs, Depends, lactose pills, stool softener, hearing aids, vitamins for problems "down under". If I was younger I think it'd be better to just cut to the chase and get the address of the salesgirl. We're talking relevancy here.
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