Friday, January 25, 2013

Computer bookkeeping and me

I believe I am a reasonably intelligent guy. I read at a college level, speak and write at a seventh grade level, understand immature jokes and cook like a master chef. There is one problem in my educational balance though: Computer intelligence is something I find difficult if not impossible to understand. For whatever reason, when I am dealing with a form of intelligence that cannot talk back to me my mind stops even wanting to sit there and being embarrassed time after time by little pop-up bubbles exposing my inadequacies. Made fun of by an "artificial" form of intelligence is not my cup of tea. When speaking with real live experts and masters and other smarty pants people, if they say something demeaning, I can say back something equally smart like, "Yeah, and you too!" If I type that into the egotistical computer it sends me a pop-up balloon with a pre-assembled message that reads, "Improper input!" I ask you, how do I respond to that? I typed what I was thinking, "Just what kind of input do you need?" Another bubble, " Improper input, re-enter password to establish connection." I re-entered my password. "Incorrect password, re-enter password to establish connection." I re-re-entered my password. "Incorrect password, only one more chance to re-enter correct password or lose opportunity for 24 hours." Sweat began pouring down my forehead, I need to establish a connection with this new bookkeeping program, my customer is waiting and watching me print up his invoice so he can pay me. I detect a smirk beginning to form on the corner of his lip. The pressure is immense, This computer is lording it over me and humiliating me big time. What to do? What to do? That's where my "non-artificial" intelligence came into play. I pulled the plug on that freakin', bubble producing, narrow minded, unaccommodating, full of crap computer and hand wrote the invoice, collected my money and sent my customer on his way. After the customer was gone, I plugged that computer back in, let it boot up, turned on the offending program and entered my password as, "Yeah, and you too!" The computer popped up a bubble stating "Final opportunity to enter correct password dis" That's when I pulled the plug again! "Dirtybridgeragafratchflaggaloomer!" Put that in your stupid hard drive! Today I bought a tutorial CD. I know my limitations but the computer doesn't know how to deal with them. That makes me smarter. I find comfort in that.

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