Joe Cramer-My dad's humility was genuine

My dad was a hard worker, his work was physical, intense and as hard as it gets sometimes. He took it in stride though and expressed gratitude for the pay he received even though it was far less than he deserved most of the time. Far from well educated, as so many other guys were, he just couldn't get himself into the high paying factory jobs. No patience, couldn't stand the slow pace of assembly lines or being inside a building for so long. Low pay or not, he was a happy guy. He was a humble guy. If anyone gave him anything, it was difficult for him. You see, my dad remembered his mistakes and didn't feel he deserved gifts of any kind. He already had everything he dared dream of: His wife and his kids. Growing up I saw several times how he humbly accepted what was given to him. He did it with class. Thankful and always showing how he was delighted so as not too diminish the thoughtfulness of the giver. When I was older, around 19 I guess it was, my dad and I sat on the back steps and he pontificated a bit about being humble. "If we get all caught up in thinking that we deserve stuff, we never really fully appreciate the giver or the gift." "Same thing with wages too", he said. My dad the philosopher. I didn't deserve a dad as good as him.

Joseph A. Cramer-Son of my father

Yup! I am my father's son all right. Most people don't know that during my mid-teen years my dad was dumber than a box of rocks. At least that was my opinion at the time. Eventually, he got smarter though and everything turned out OK. He had his sayings my dad did:
Quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail.
Going to see a man about a horse.
It'll all work out in the end.
You know, stuff like that. I wasn't all that keen on hearing those sayings at the time. I'd give almost all I have to hear him say them now. He's been gone for 44 years. I loved that guy and didn't appreciate him for a while there. But his words still ring in my ears at the times I need them. He talked a lot and gave sage advice non-stop. Today it makes more sense than ever.

People die, he said. Learn to deal with it. Life is for the living. Help the people who are still alive.

The news you hear is geared to scare you. Don't get scared and if you do don't let anyone else know it.

Learn from the mistakes you make. Be grateful you made them while you are young. You've got your whole life to try to make it right. Expect and accept consequences you may not like so much. You earned them.

You can be anything you want to be. If you rely on other people to help you be what you want to be you are nothing.

Never, ever, give up on those you love. Love never stops but also remember, love is not always enough. With all he did, even God didn't save everyone. Some people go to hell. Stay away from them.

If someone makes you food, puke before you complain. It was a gift.

Some of these debatable advice modules were said tongue in cheek but every one had some wisdom anyway. What do you remember that your dad said that made sense only after you grew up.

I'm going to say a few more things about my dad. Get over it. It's my blog right?

Joe Cramer-More about a father

Being the son of a guy that would tackle just about anything was a real learning experience. I learned as much, if not more from his mistakes than from his successes. Early in his adult life he was a hard drinker. He managed to overcome that and became a responsible, caring and loving husband and father. One of his greatest achievements. He bought a semi tractor and car hauling trailer. Had just enough to buy them, he was going to insure them as soon as he hauled his first load of cars. There was a terrible accident on that first haul, we lost everything! One of his greatest mistakes ever. Scrimped and saved and worked several jobs on very little sleep for over six years living in a cramped apartment with my mom and us kids. Finally, finally, there was enough to buy a rather decrepit older house in the suburbs and start over. Flush toilet? Sure, as long as you had a pail of water. Stay warm in the winter? Sleep on the living room floor next to the space heater. Running water? Absolutely, just grab the pump handle in the kitchen sink and get it done. As a family we were so excited to be there none of these slight inconveniences mattered in any way. The whole idea was that we were a family and attacked any problem, under my dad's careful eye and my mom's calm encouragement and understanding. We were going to make this our castle. So very Cool!

Joe Cramer-Words from my father

Our dads were not carbon copies of each other were they? Yours said this and mine said that. They did give us stuff to think about though didn't they? I really like my friend's dads sometimes. They were smart and knew a lot more than my own dad. At least sometimes. But, then something would happen and I would realize just how smart my own dad was. He had some phrases that irritated me at the time but later sounded like good advice. You be the judge OK?

Ride your own bike!
If someone says you ride funny, get them to race you-on the course you choose. You'll be surprised how good you are.

Buy cheap, you'll get cheap. Don't complain and pay the price of being stupid.

If someone swears all the time and doesn't realize it, be careful of what you trust him with.

Men are made to protect women, whether they think they need protecting doesn't matter.

Don't pass gas and think it's funny. You are a better man if you feel embarrassed.

Don't waste your energy fighting a battle you can't win.

Lots of other stuff he said. Right or wrong he was there to say it. So very cool!

Joe Cramer-Being a Father

It's that time of year again when we get congratulated for being dads. I stop by the cemetery to do some looking back on being the lucky son of my own dad. I can't thank him enough. Because I may have been what could be called a bit of a loose cannon growing up, I'm not so sure congratulations are in order for my dad. Maybe a word or two of concern or understanding and a gold medal would be better. I was a good kid, a good son, most of the time. But there were a few times when some of my choices must have tested my father's patience far beyond most human expectations. How I am not sure, but somehow good old dad managed to handle my disruptive behavior and remain patient and caring and ready to move forward. My dad forged an attitude of being able to overcome just about anything in my mind that carries me through all these years since he went to the great eternal fishing sight he always dreamed of. I believe the attitude he expressed so well is exactly what keeps a real fisherman on the water long after the fish stop biting. Along with the attitude he also gave me perfect examples of what forgiveness and unconditional love meant. He had a lot of that forgiving to do with me. My maturity took a few turns here and there so he had a regular workout in that category. Yet, he still insisted I was a gift and on Father's day he felt he should be thanking all those involved in his being a father instead of being thanked. Humble and grateful for who he was. How can a guy go wrong with a dad like that? That's why I dedicated my book "Joe's Story: The Book of a Lifetime" in part to him.

That brings me to who I am as far as being a father. I had to become one before I fully understood my dad's humility. Truthfully, I rather enjoy the calls and cards and maybe a special meal or activity. But, that's where it stops these days. I am lucky to have the kids and grandkids I have. I trust that in some way I was a good example in their lives too. At least they are still talking to me and answer the phone when I call. It's a privilege and an honor to be their father. Being a dad came with a heavy responsibility and due to my own dad's ability and love I was ale to meet that obligation the best way I could and watched them grow and mature into remarkable parents themselves. That is so very cool!

So on Father's Day I offer my congratulations to the dads everywhere that did their best to be there for their kids. You had a job to do and you did it. We get some static sometimes, actually a lot of times: for working too much, being too strict, expecting too much, believing kids should except their own consequences, sometimes having to be the enforcer of those consequences, for even being in a place of authority. Well, in His wisdom, God placed us where we are and made us the way we are. Being a good father means that, no matter how much we are criticized, we must remain true to our goal of being the best dad we can. It's our job and our privilege and our honor. Hey guys, here's to you and me for being there, loving and protecting our kids and leading them into the future knowing we stuck with them through thick and thin. Good Job! Happy Father's Day!

Joseph A. Cramer-Published Author

Wow! Talk about a compliment. I am totally humbled.

Yesterday, a very pleasant couple waltzed into my office looking for :"A Joseph A. Cramer." I answered that was my name. They looked at each other for a moment and the guy asked if I had written a book? "Yes, I had written a book." I said. "Joe's Story?" he asked. "Yes, that's the one all right." I said. And motioned towards the credenza where I kept a few copies on display. "Oh, thank goodness! She said, "we came here from Appleton Wisconsin to find you. Would you please autograph our copy?" Dog eared and rather worn around the cover with underlines and highlights, I could see they had done a good job of reading it. I said, "I feel honored" and signed the book with their names and my well wishes. We chatted for a bit and they left on their way to somewhere in the Detroit area for a business conference or something like that. It's not that they came to Michigan just to see me but they did stop on their way through. The effort made me feel somewhat special. They were rather hurried so off they went.

Either way, I am still riding the good feeling that goes along with someone telling you that you did a good thing. You just can't beat a feeling like that.

Right or wrong? Who makes the rules?

The name of a movie once declared that "The world has gone mad!" Various reasons behind that statement are what made up the plot. Mostly it focused on how individual perspective determined opinions of right or wrong. Some perspective was based upon fact, some perspective was based upon limited observation. Everyone acted on what they deemed as truth with outcomes sometimes humorous, sometimes nothing short of disaster. The movie highlighted how ignorance can rule people and even entire societies.

Fact: Reality/truth exists regardless of what you say or believe.

Listening to news of changes in long held rules regarding morality and law lately reminds me very much of that movie. Hollywood once again predicted the future. Reality/truth no longer prevails. Life changing decisions are now based upon perspective. And, this is the really silly part, it is the perspective of a self-indulged few that rules the majority of those who view reality as, at the very least common sense. The weapon of choice to empower ignorance is guilt. It works, big time!

When I was a kid, the neighbor kids never got treats from their folks. The family had way more money than my family but for whatever reason the parents did not spend money on treats of any kind. No popsicles from the popsicle guy, no ice cream or cake on birthdays, no candy bars from the corner store bought with allowance money on Saturday afternoons like the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. However, whenever any of us other kids had treats the kids from that family would be right at our sides with the phrase: "Jesus says we must share!" To load us up with guilt if we didn't give them some of our treats. As kids we wanted to do what Jesus did so we shared. We couldn't hold up to the guilt. That is until us other kids realized that those kids weren't Jesus, they never shared anything with us. They just wanted some of our stuff and used the Jesus guilt trip because it worked.

Now I'm all growed up and I find that some of those kids are still around loading me an millions of other people up with guilt so we will give them what they want. There are no limits as to what they want either:

 "I broke the law but you only want me to be held accountable because you don't like me or anyone like me."
"I can do this, even though it disgusts you because I was born that way. Accept it or you are old fashioned."
"I am special and don't have to work. You have to do with less of your hard earned money and support me or you are selfish."
"I decoded, all by myself what God really says and wants. You are out of touch with the modern concept of God."

Guilt is a huge weapon against good minded people. Nobody wants to feel guilty do they? Maybe it's this unfounded guilt that has made the whole world go mad. Are you guilty of allowing guilt to overcome your better judgement? Perspective, ours or theirs?